Level 3 - BIKE TOUR 2009 – France Alps
September: 9th, Wednesday – 13th, Sunday
Start: Lyon, airport at about 2 pm
End: Geneva, airportPeleton: ….. 22 cyclists
“Technical” SUMMARY:
altitude in m (meters) and feet (ft) – 1 m = 3.28 ft
distance in km (kilometers) and miles (mi) – 1 km = 0.621 mi
Distance – 5 days: 506 km – 315 mi
Ascent - 5 days: 9.480 m – 31.094 ft (higher than Mt. Everest…)
Cols:
-Col-du-Coq (1.738 m – 5.700 ft, climb about 900 m – 2.952 ft)
-Alpe-d´Huez (2.000 m – 6.560 ft, climb about 1.250 m – 4.100 ft)
-Col-du-Glandon (1.908 m – 6.258 ft, climb about 1.200 m – 3.936 ft)
-Col-de-la-Croix-de-Fer (2.100 m – 6.888 ft, climb about 200 m – 656 ft)
-Col-de-la-madeleine !!! (1998 m – 6.554 ft, climb about 1.600 m – 5.248 ft)
-Col-de-Saisies (1.650 m – 5.412 ft, climb about 1.000 m – 3.280 ft )
-Col-des-Aravis(1.486 m – 6.554 ft, climb about 600 m –1.968 ft)
Wednesday, 30 September 2009
Monday, 14 September 2009
The peleton - version 1
Damian The Bison Butterworth. Snorts, sneezes, mumbles, giggles and occasionally shouts during sleep. Much quieter during daylight hours. A legendary performance alone in the dark and all round hero of the tour.
Sze. In love with his new Colnago. Cycled Alp D’heuz like a man half his weight. Pity about the regression to Toxteth style thieving but despite this led the social tour and laughed in the face of adversity.
Todd Ballyntine: Boy-ish good looks, kind natured and fit as a fiddle. Appeared unchallenged by the hills despite fixing his saddle at a level for someone 6 inches shorter and therefore looking like a primary school kid on a trip to the park.
Jeff ‘gangsta’ Allen. Jeff foxed the euro-riders with his wide range of peleton hand signals allegedly to pre-warn the naïve home riders of impending danger. Protocol he soon abandoned after being shunted 3 times on the 1st day.
Pete Kaoud. This boy treats his bikes ruff….sadistically almost. Displaying a perverted pleasure with a broken gear mech and a couple of punctures he also cycled like a demon despite having no idea what he was doing. A fantastic debut and Laura’s favourite in spandex.
Johnny MacCarthy. NW3 Competitive Dad of the Year and
Jeremy Parker. Spectacularly fit this year, sporting a $10,000 bike, Parkerman was the rider of the tour. First up every climb never hitting 65% of his maximum heart rate this boy is the icon of sporting excellence. Positive, aggressive, talented, competitive – that’s why he hate him.
Mark Thornton. Arrived in BA Club, departed on the all stations from
Bob Harris (Random) – experienced cycle tourist and legendary engineer. Slotted straight in at the back of the peleton with Bart, Sze, Bison, Hackett and Rob. Starts at L3 on October 1st.
Robert Blank. Sporting a new road bike and claiming to have done little prep Robert looked like a different cyclist from last year (which is good as last year he didn’t look like a cyclist). Drafting behind Tench for most of the tour Robert displayed a remarkable pace on the road. Sadly, his ability to get his shit together and get moving continues at a snail’s pace.
Nic Denoia. Mr Cycling and Mr L3. Nic closed numerous deals and took customer calls throughout the tour ensuring business was taken care of. Unsympathetically it was noted that all his customer business only occurred on the uphill sections enabling him to take lengthy breathers. Cynical Ted, plain cynical…
Ted Cier - ace mechanic, winner of 'fittest fatty' award and all round good guy. Incredible capacity and appetite to talk shite with anyone who would listen.
GvR - guesting back to the L3 fold for this year's tour. Exploding tires and knees resulted in generally painful experience. Failed to come to terms with lack of staff to push his bike on the uphills. Failed drug tests on day 1, 3,4 and 5.
Karl Heinz - proving you can do a spinning class for 8 hours day. Winner of 'slower than my nan' award for the downhills.
Sunday, 13 September 2009
White Van Women
This entry has been posted on behalf of Laura and Milly our fantastic support team. It appears, on reflection, they feel that the trip was 'oversold' to them. The Alpes Organising Committee refute all claims in the following posting but recognise, in order to maintain balance, all views should be aired however unreasonable or untrue.
This is their view. I'll let you, our learn'ed readers to decide on the truth.
How Fordy sold the trip to Milly and Laura,
Cmon, it will be great fun, leisurely breakfast, shopping, sitting in french cafes, sunbathing by a lake, long lunches and dinners, maybe even getting laid.
Translates to: Leisurely breakfast = load 3 ton of bags and bike boxes onto the van every morning; shopping - spend 250 euros every day on coke and chocolate bars for the blokes; sit in cafes sipping coffee - sit in a van for 12 hours (oh, and unload 3 tons of bags at next hotel). Sunbath by lake =sit in van for 12 hours and drive 500 k everyday delivery bags and rescuing/feeding peleton. Long lunch - eat dried bagget and a banana on route in the van. Get laid (very dubious incentive to begin with) but if there had been a young Robert Redford or Viggo Mortison in the group, riding for 10 hours solid up a hill doesn't lend itself well to riding anything else afterwards.
Please support the tour organising commitee with your responses
Thankyou
This is their view. I'll let you, our learn'ed readers to decide on the truth.
How Fordy sold the trip to Milly and Laura,
Cmon, it will be great fun, leisurely breakfast, shopping, sitting in french cafes, sunbathing by a lake, long lunches and dinners, maybe even getting laid.
Translates to: Leisurely breakfast = load 3 ton of bags and bike boxes onto the van every morning; shopping - spend 250 euros every day on coke and chocolate bars for the blokes; sit in cafes sipping coffee - sit in a van for 12 hours (oh, and unload 3 tons of bags at next hotel). Sunbath by lake =sit in van for 12 hours and drive 500 k everyday delivery bags and rescuing/feeding peleton. Long lunch - eat dried bagget and a banana on route in the van. Get laid (very dubious incentive to begin with) but if there had been a young Robert Redford or Viggo Mortison in the group, riding for 10 hours solid up a hill doesn't lend itself well to riding anything else afterwards.
Please support the tour organising commitee with your responses
Thankyou
Day 4 -- Gross Point Blank
A long night, compounded by drink and graphite dust in the air at La Lechere had us all eager for an early start. Of course we set a record, leaving the car park promptly at 10:30, after waiting on Robert Blank for an extra hour--what one does for 2 hours in their room after breakfast we do not know - although his raised heart beat, beads of sweat and self conscience demeanour suggested it wasn't his trip computer that was malfunctioning.
We started with a pleasant and mild descent to Albertville before turning up to the Col de Saises--a less than mild ascent a feature of this Tour. Lunch at the bottom for some, at the top for others and in N.D. de Bellcourt for a few.
Sze, troubled by his performance, identified the cause of his probblem as a unusual mechanical floor with his rear brake mech and also the bearings in his cassette - this could be the end of tour for Sze. After much head scratching Bob (random) suggested he move his pump as it was rubbing on his wheel slowing progress. Red faces all round the herd rolled on. As is customary GvR punctured, his knees hurt and he was pretty uncomplimentary to Johnny Fart Pant when Fordy accidental drove him into a ditch.
The Bison, Sze and a bunch of other Euro-chubbers took the full menu de jour claiming the creme brulee and a lager was the reason for the their return to full strength. Sadly lunch ended abruptedly due to the antics of the resident scouser who was caught red-handed theiving orangina's from madam's fridge. C'est un grand problem - ejection soon followed leaving the Bison to round up the faithful and move the herd on to the foothills of the Col de Aravis -a pretty reasonable 1685 m through some of the most beautiful country we'd seen so far.
And on the way up, another auto rally came through--this one decidedly higher budget. Counted 10 Ferrari's, 2 Lamborghini's and a few others we can neither spell nor pronounce.
In the meantime Team US sporting jingo-istic and euro-bating 'Go USA' co-ordinated cycling apparell gave a lesson in peleton riding technique displaying an amusing display of gangsta style hand signals in order to maintain order, safety and discipline on the road. None of this washed with the euro riders who meandered aimlessly along the D roads Savoir.
Hats off to Todd, Peter K, Mark T and Yannick who gave a good account of themselves allowing the remaining euro-fatties to trundle along basking in the reflected glory.
Today was the day we all came for. The cycling was challenging but do-able, the views fantastic, the food great and the route was safe and peaceful.
A strong finish into Le Grand Bornand before the sun went down --bieres on the veranda overlooking the finish. Logistics aside, a great night at the Point Percee, overlooking a beautiful town and amazing mountains.
As fitting for a last night we celebrated in style emptying the cellar of cote du rhone. We toasted our fabulous support drivers (see seperate posting White Van Women), the remarkable athletic abilities of that shit Parker and recognised the 'man ot the tour' Yannick.
As translator, taxi-guy, car hire guy, hotel guy, map guy, chamois butter guy, blog guy, charity guy in fact every sort of guy (a part from Bob guy).
Top man Yannick - Thanks from all of us.
We started with a pleasant and mild descent to Albertville before turning up to the Col de Saises--a less than mild ascent a feature of this Tour. Lunch at the bottom for some, at the top for others and in N.D. de Bellcourt for a few.
Sze, troubled by his performance, identified the cause of his probblem as a unusual mechanical floor with his rear brake mech and also the bearings in his cassette - this could be the end of tour for Sze. After much head scratching Bob (random) suggested he move his pump as it was rubbing on his wheel slowing progress. Red faces all round the herd rolled on. As is customary GvR punctured, his knees hurt and he was pretty uncomplimentary to Johnny Fart Pant when Fordy accidental drove him into a ditch.
The Bison, Sze and a bunch of other Euro-chubbers took the full menu de jour claiming the creme brulee and a lager was the reason for the their return to full strength. Sadly lunch ended abruptedly due to the antics of the resident scouser who was caught red-handed theiving orangina's from madam's fridge. C'est un grand problem - ejection soon followed leaving the Bison to round up the faithful and move the herd on to the foothills of the Col de Aravis -a pretty reasonable 1685 m through some of the most beautiful country we'd seen so far.
And on the way up, another auto rally came through--this one decidedly higher budget. Counted 10 Ferrari's, 2 Lamborghini's and a few others we can neither spell nor pronounce.
In the meantime Team US sporting jingo-istic and euro-bating 'Go USA' co-ordinated cycling apparell gave a lesson in peleton riding technique displaying an amusing display of gangsta style hand signals in order to maintain order, safety and discipline on the road. None of this washed with the euro riders who meandered aimlessly along the D roads Savoir.
Hats off to Todd, Peter K, Mark T and Yannick who gave a good account of themselves allowing the remaining euro-fatties to trundle along basking in the reflected glory.
Today was the day we all came for. The cycling was challenging but do-able, the views fantastic, the food great and the route was safe and peaceful.
A strong finish into Le Grand Bornand before the sun went down --bieres on the veranda overlooking the finish. Logistics aside, a great night at the Point Percee, overlooking a beautiful town and amazing mountains.
As fitting for a last night we celebrated in style emptying the cellar of cote du rhone. We toasted our fabulous support drivers (see seperate posting White Van Women), the remarkable athletic abilities of that shit Parker and recognised the 'man ot the tour' Yannick.
As translator, taxi-guy, car hire guy, hotel guy, map guy, chamois butter guy, blog guy, charity guy in fact every sort of guy (a part from Bob guy).
Top man Yannick - Thanks from all of us.
Friday, 11 September 2009
Day 3 - Death March
With the memories of the Alpe D'Huez gratefully behind us, the peloton grew a bit this morning, as we added Rob Houghton to the group. While Dan the man filled our water bottles and packed everyone up with fresh chamois cream, Ford and Milly set off at the crack (or 9 AM, but who is counting) to fetch him from Vizille, and we were on our way by 10. Rob, adding a little decorum to the whole event, arrived sporting jodpurs, his univeristy blazer and a charming cravat. It's good to see the upper classes can still get away for a holiday once in a while.
Two Cols on the docket for the day, both massive and hot as hell. Col de Glandon at 1950 m began innocently enough, but quickly reared its ugly head, with a stout 10% grade for 10 k to finish.
Wary of the potential for an after dark finish, and unfortunately being caught in the traditional French sieste time period (which appparently runs from 11 AM - 4 PM) we were forced to scramble for food so we 'steamed' the local InterMarche to the dismay and distain of the local shoppers. Next week, management at this establishment will be wondering why their Thursday results have dropped so precipitously. Brian, the consummate meat eater emerged, dazed from the market saying, "I couldn't decide what to get, so I've bought a kilo of ham." Houghton, unaware came out a few minutes later with a 4 foot baquette and 2 kilos of gruyere. Karl Heinz, ever the match maker and skilled resource manager put the two wayward souls together and dejeuner was made. During all this, Jeff Allen was patiently waiting down the road for a new tire, as his exploded during his furious descent of the Glandon.
The Col de la Madeline still faced us, a daunting 2000 m summit and 20 km of 10% average grade--a monster. It's now the peloton started to fall apart as the 10,000 ft of climbing for the day started to take it's toll.
GvR's knees finally exploded, Bart collapsed, The Bison could no longer graze and Hackett (think Randall from Monster Inc), despite a monumental effort from the tour new-be, were all forced to seek solace with our glamourous support crew in the back of the van.
7pm, the clouds closed in and the sun dropped beneath the horizon. We were all safely at the top with a 27km schuss into our final destination. As ever, a final twist, as we were greeted by a 50 strong classic car rally heading in the opposite direction. You know the type - fat white bloke with handlebar moustache seeking new thrills as they meander towards the end of their unrewarding and dull lives. Wankers but at least they didn't manage to un-seat any of us.
La Lechere our final destination, twinned with Nagasaki and Bhopal, lacked the old school charm of the previous days. A quick lap round the abestos factory before dinner and an invite to the pensioners disco was enough to lift our spirits.
Yannick, disappointed with the rebuff from Bob, disappeared into the corner to down a bottle local licquer with Johnny Mac the day's winner of the most 'pathetically competitive' rider after seeking to drop the guys who had chaperoned him through his most difficult moments.
12:30 - bedtime after too much wine, beer and moule frites and a quick boogaloo with the blue rinses to Y M C A. Great Day.
Two Cols on the docket for the day, both massive and hot as hell. Col de Glandon at 1950 m began innocently enough, but quickly reared its ugly head, with a stout 10% grade for 10 k to finish.
Wary of the potential for an after dark finish, and unfortunately being caught in the traditional French sieste time period (which appparently runs from 11 AM - 4 PM) we were forced to scramble for food so we 'steamed' the local InterMarche to the dismay and distain of the local shoppers. Next week, management at this establishment will be wondering why their Thursday results have dropped so precipitously. Brian, the consummate meat eater emerged, dazed from the market saying, "I couldn't decide what to get, so I've bought a kilo of ham." Houghton, unaware came out a few minutes later with a 4 foot baquette and 2 kilos of gruyere. Karl Heinz, ever the match maker and skilled resource manager put the two wayward souls together and dejeuner was made. During all this, Jeff Allen was patiently waiting down the road for a new tire, as his exploded during his furious descent of the Glandon.
The Col de la Madeline still faced us, a daunting 2000 m summit and 20 km of 10% average grade--a monster. It's now the peloton started to fall apart as the 10,000 ft of climbing for the day started to take it's toll.
GvR's knees finally exploded, Bart collapsed, The Bison could no longer graze and Hackett (think Randall from Monster Inc), despite a monumental effort from the tour new-be, were all forced to seek solace with our glamourous support crew in the back of the van.
7pm, the clouds closed in and the sun dropped beneath the horizon. We were all safely at the top with a 27km schuss into our final destination. As ever, a final twist, as we were greeted by a 50 strong classic car rally heading in the opposite direction. You know the type - fat white bloke with handlebar moustache seeking new thrills as they meander towards the end of their unrewarding and dull lives. Wankers but at least they didn't manage to un-seat any of us.
La Lechere our final destination, twinned with Nagasaki and Bhopal, lacked the old school charm of the previous days. A quick lap round the abestos factory before dinner and an invite to the pensioners disco was enough to lift our spirits.
Yannick, disappointed with the rebuff from Bob, disappeared into the corner to down a bottle local licquer with Johnny Mac the day's winner of the most 'pathetically competitive' rider after seeking to drop the guys who had chaperoned him through his most difficult moments.
12:30 - bedtime after too much wine, beer and moule frites and a quick boogaloo with the blue rinses to Y M C A. Great Day.
Day2 - It's All Gone Black
Sunshine - again! The summer snow chains are back in the van along with our thermals and of course the compact bicycle boxes which featured in the final episode of 'Land of the Giants'. Packing the van takes an hour but, with the horrors of the pitch black climb a distant memory, soon we were off with a smiles on our faces and only mild testicular chaffing..
Two groups. Group 1 thrusted up the Col du Coq with an average elevation of 11%. Others slipped up the Col de Vagine with an average elevation of 2%. The peleton converged at the charming village of Vizelle, famed for it's beautiful setting rather than prompt service. Fantastic except for the "white bird" ordered by GVR which arrived just as ritalin boy Tench declared, "I'm leaving now". Satisfied with his lunch Fordy led the way for the next 30 KM ensuring he was good for nothing by the time we reached the start of the big challenge of the day.
We bade farewell to Manu and Thierry after their night of heroics plucking riders off the mountain in the pitch dark, and lighting the way up the hill. They drove 500 km each way to make sure the tour safely got away - once again thank you guys.
The descent in semi-darkness and near freezing temperatures was exciting for all reaching speeds of 70 kms per hour (and sometimes up to 25 kms for Karl 'thomas the tank engine'Heinz) - more exciting for Fordy as his brakes failed on a hairpin relying on a truck 'run off' to avoid his untimely demise. Crash investigators suspect foul play was to blame - 22 people are likely suspects.
A big day, heroic performances from many, fabulous weather finishing on one of the iconic climbs of the the Tour de France. This a world away from the misery of the Pyrenees in '08. A glow of satisfaction radiated from all of us
.The evening meal featured the Menu les enfants - taglitelle a la blender with pork roll, mushrooms and jus de MSG mmm - yummy....still the waitress was well fit.
Parker, the nearest we have to a pro-rider and in-line with profession, spent the night skipping between rooms pedalling performance enhancing and pain killing drugs. LAPD want to talk to him in connection with the death of a 50 year old paedophile.
'Rooming' - when we each scramble for a single room and try not to share with the Reverend 'speak in tongues' McCarthy, Marc 'chain snore' Sze, Damian 'snorter' Butterworth or johnny fart pants Ford, is a tense time as a day in the saddle followed by no sleep is bad news. With this back drop Yannick jumping into bed with Bob (random) was a surprising development but certainly made Bob feel part of the team. Bob slept in the hotel reception.
STOP PRESS - Interim Results
Laura and Witto 'nice arse in cycling shorts' competition
1 Damian
2 Ted Cier
3 A local builder
4 Buttercup
Other news:
Tench's impatience and general narcissitic tendencies has resulted in a petition to RIF tench on our return. Jeff Allen meets with Jeff Storey on Monday - he has unanimous support of the peleton.
Thursday, 10 September 2009
Day 1 - A Long Day's Journey into Night
Day One, 9th of September
Lyon to St. Pierre de Chartreuse
Amazing… all flights arrive on time. All bikes arrive as planned and in one piece. All was good and the sun was shining. It was 10:00 and we were on schedule. You won’t be surprised when it took us an hour to get from Terminal 1 to Terminal 2. Having planned every detail in advance, with the usual meticulous detail expected of 22 hairy arsed blokes on tour, we found that the Fiat Panda that we had booked didn’t quite have enough room for the cases, let alone the bike bags that the Americans brought. The Europeans reckon you could house a council estate in one of them. We left at 2:00.
By way of introduction this year's tour features a new support team with the glamouress pair of Milly and Laura driving the support truck. Laura was once a swedish masseur. Milly interviewed at MI6....down boys. So to the ride you’ve all been looking forward to…
Unlike last year, it was a gentle start and we didn’t have any breakdowns prior to leaving the car park unless you count Peter Kaoud’s falling over while stationary (he’d left his training wheels/stabilisers at home). We weren’t misled down the wrong river and the peleton was beautifully formed and headed in the right direction. No small feat for this group of riders.
Unfortunately, this only lasted a short while. GVR, who has reached many milestones in his career, could not surpass Dan Richard’s record, as his puncture was just outside the airport car park. Rules are rules mate! With the able help of Ted Cier, the tyre was quickly fixed in under an hour.
Now over to the leaders of the telecom industry… Jeff Tench and Marty Ford. These ladies had a bit of a disagreement over which route to take. After a few tears and hair pulling, they decided upon the optimum route and off we went, or so you might think. As usual, we displayed our usual cultural cooperation… the Yanks went one direction and the rest of World the other.
Lyon to St. Pierre de Chartreuse
Amazing… all flights arrive on time. All bikes arrive as planned and in one piece. All was good and the sun was shining. It was 10:00 and we were on schedule. You won’t be surprised when it took us an hour to get from Terminal 1 to Terminal 2. Having planned every detail in advance, with the usual meticulous detail expected of 22 hairy arsed blokes on tour, we found that the Fiat Panda that we had booked didn’t quite have enough room for the cases, let alone the bike bags that the Americans brought. The Europeans reckon you could house a council estate in one of them. We left at 2:00.
By way of introduction this year's tour features a new support team with the glamouress pair of Milly and Laura driving the support truck. Laura was once a swedish masseur. Milly interviewed at MI6....down boys. So to the ride you’ve all been looking forward to…
Unlike last year, it was a gentle start and we didn’t have any breakdowns prior to leaving the car park unless you count Peter Kaoud’s falling over while stationary (he’d left his training wheels/stabilisers at home). We weren’t misled down the wrong river and the peleton was beautifully formed and headed in the right direction. No small feat for this group of riders.
Unfortunately, this only lasted a short while. GVR, who has reached many milestones in his career, could not surpass Dan Richard’s record, as his puncture was just outside the airport car park. Rules are rules mate! With the able help of Ted Cier, the tyre was quickly fixed in under an hour.
Now over to the leaders of the telecom industry… Jeff Tench and Marty Ford. These ladies had a bit of a disagreement over which route to take. After a few tears and hair pulling, they decided upon the optimum route and off we went, or so you might think. As usual, we displayed our usual cultural cooperation… the Yanks went one direction and the rest of World the other.
Meticulous pretour planning had us arriving at St. Laurent du Pont as our first night's stay. Spa town, famous for it's food and hospitality. Unfortunately, not enough room at the inn there for the size of our peloton, and we had to truck it up the 10 KM climb to our mountaintop refuge at St. Pierre de Chartreuse. In retrospect, had we known Kano was going to flake out as usual, we could have booked at the bottom of the hilll as they were only one room short.
Let’s fast forward to the finish… what should have been an easy warm up, turned into a 7 hour, non-stop cycling, no-lunch, no-bike lights, pitch dark, helter-skelter journey from hell. We were a little worried when Damian encountered a 25 ton logging truck in an unlit tunnel. Don’t worry folks, the truck was okay. Bob and Hackett of course avoided the mess by uncermoniously jumping in the van at the bottom of the hill and ducking down below the window line as they passed us on the way up. Pitiful. (It's only Day one boys)
As true athletes, we prepared for the next day with too much food, too much alchohol and too little sleep.
Stats for the day: 125 km actual vs 95 km budgeted, 1 busted bike (Peter Kaoud). A rare moment for Level 3 where we actually exceeded forecast and all we acquired were a couple cans a coke and some bananas.
Day 2, September 10, St. Pierre de Chartreuse to Bourg d’ Oisan
Getting tired… off to bed. See you tomorrow.
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